Nothing in life is at it seems...or so it seems when we look deeper. We can only appreciate life when we are still and can look deep into the nature of it. My sincere hope is we can all benefit from each other, and from our collective awareness by learning to overcome our habitual cravings and habits; to learn to be still and enjoy the present moment as it is.


When we are capable of seeing, truly seeing, then, and only then can we offer beauty and surrender to the world. And in return, the world surrenders back, and offers the most gracious gifts imaginable.


Be glad to be alive. Be hopeful in the peace within, and without. Hear the music from the harp unstrung

Is sarcasm such a bad thing? Does it always represent some form of latent (fill in the negative emotion here)...

Sometimes I know who my friends are by the level of sarcasm i use. As the saying goes, "if I'm too nice to you, I probably don't like you".

Hmmm. what about using sarcasm as a self-senor? To put a voice to the ridiculous streams of conscious thought; to negate the emotion and power that thoughts sometimes have, by saying them aloud and realizing their inherent silliness.

What's your take? Is this yet another bad habit I need to kick? (yes, there was sarcasm there).  

I just saw a picture of myself from a holiday dinner and I swear to all that is good in life, I gained 50 lbs. No shittin. I almost went straight to the bathroom and turned bulemic. WHAT in G*D's name have i done to myself?

I thought for sure this would be the year with no NYE resolution. I couldn't take them anymore. But, now, with the current state of my FAT ASS, I must regress. I feel like Tim Allen waking up to being Santa freakin' Claus.

I think I am going to be sick. I hate when you wake up fat one day. I thought I would never go through that again. Damnit. Damnit to hell.

Okay. I feel better now. I will go and finish my dessert and be better tomorrow =)

I am a rare breed- both a morning and a night person...would you looky there! I gawt booth ends covered. Nawt too shabby, eh?

I love both times of the day- which may be why i'm not such a middle-of-the-day type of person. I tend to get slightly irrational in the middle of the day. Some may even say cranky. But, you get me uurrly in the mornin or late at night, an I'm as good as gold.

So it's snowed a ton here lately, ice and all that other good stuff.  I am humoring myself with my usual mindless dribble. Then the question popped into my head- Is there ever a time when more said is better?
 
I have racking my brain the last 1/2 trying to think of when a good time to talk more would be. Can't think of it. Getting that silence upstairs, between the ears, now that's a completely other issue.

Potential Times I have come up with that may be better to say more-

an essay test?
a long car ride?
a job interview?
a first date?

Is it just me or do so many people seem to have their act together? I read profile after profile of some unique, interesting, loving, peaceful, sharing people here at zaadz. Sometimes I wonder how the hell i got mixed up with this crowd!

We have a game we play in my family. We choose a nickname ending with "-pants" to signify someone's personality. I earned my primary nickname at an early age- Mr. Grouchypants. I hated the nickname, believe it or not.

Anyway, I started talking to the wife about how many wonderful things people are doing in their lifes, and managed to squeak out a "damn zaadzy-pants". It just rolled right off my tongue, like a member of the family...go figure.

I am still not sure quite what it means. Other than finding incredibly enlightened, joyous, funny people and somehow liking and resenting it all at the same time.

Don't get me wrong. I want to be that part of zaadz. I just know i have such a long road ahead of me. It makes me want to eat an M&M cookie. Or be grouchy.

I was sitting tonight and realized, in the moment of one out-breath, that I had spent the last who-knows how many minutes, reviewing my entire day. I just woke up at the end of the story and blew out some cool air.  Phew, that was really weird.

I was sitting amongst a group lately and was listening closely to two friends sharing some conversation in Hebrew, after which they embraced and laughed about something. It struck me how clearly I was listening, how closely i paid attention trying to decipher the few words I know.

A teacher I once knew well told me that Hebrew is liking reading a painting, and how true that is from what little I know. One of current teachers is always explaining different concepts in Hebew and how he strokes the canvas, always leaving a picture to admire.

It's really what I like about learning new languages. As an adult, I find myself using words lightly at times. I don't always pay careful attention when I speak, and as a result, I miss the joy of the moment and how special the words are...new words always bring an emerging life to my words as I learn. It is amazing how these words are birthed free from association, free from history and unwanted thought....it's a precious gift.

It's one thing to be able to intellectualize something, a completely different thing to understand. When something sinks in and you are able to internalize a teaching, no matter the brutality of the truth, it brings you closer to the basic grounding of life.

Twice this week I was able to suffer such luck. While I am not sure how to process or move forward with this new-found awareness, I know that I can no longer cling to the illusions any longer. Certainly a bumpy road awaits as I adjust, but in an odd way, I look forward to navigating this new path. I breathe easier knowing I have unveiled the err of my ways.

A poem:


The morning rain on your sill beckons you to hear other piter-pats,
Always another alluring, genuine reflection to see.

Be calm and hear that pitter-patter,
but also feel the cool breeze.